Cheeky the Snowman: A "Tail" of Transformation

I may be treading on Donna's territory here- but I'd like to tell you a crafty, heartwarming tale of holiday how-to redemption.

Once upon a time, there was a snowman paper towel dispenser named Cheeky.


Cheeky was a jolly, happy soul with a big ass whose only function in life was to dispense paper towels. Or so he thought.


A nice lady gave Cheeky to her son and his wife for a pre-Christmas gift to brighten their home. But, the couple already HAD a paper towel dispenser. And they had very little counter space for two dispensers. Their apartment wasn't very big, after all. In fact- they didn't even have room for a Christmas tree!

(also, the son was a cheap-ass penny-pincher and didn't want to kill a tree just to haul it to the sidewalk a few weeks later. Oh, sure- they tried getting one of those potted "living trees" last year. But, that ended up dying because their apartment didn't get enough sunlight. Also, the son forgot to water it. But, that's another story. Which... you pretty much have the gist of anyway...)

And that's when they had an idea!

"Cheeky, with your butt so big- would you like a Christmas tree gig?!"

So, the son bought a plastic garland at a magical place called "Walgreens"...

... and he wound it round & round the dowel Cheeky stood faithfully next to. A few shots of bourbon later...


Then, the couple decorated their "tree" with ornaments and some cool battery-operated lights (also purchased at Walgreens) and soon...



Cheeky was very happy. And the couple was happy, too. And yes, the petroleum by-products used to make the fake garland probably do more damage to the environment than cutting down a tree- but you really shouldn't be so cynical during the holidays. Geeez!

The end...


Have yourself a callipygous Christmas, everybody!

Voyage 'Round My Parents' Backyard

I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving.

I was visiting the folks for the holiday. My parents' have a nice house with an amazing backyard. They've both worked very hard to create a mini paradise out there. It's one of the most relaxing places I've ever known. And a great place to photograph suburban flora & fauna!

Below are some photos I've taken out there over the last 2 years.

Please click the pic for a better view.


Thanks, Mom & Dad!

Beej Weir's Guide to Graceland: Chapter 4: Working On The Building

Hey, folks! Welcome to the fourth and final chapter of my Guide To Graceland! In this installment, we'll examine the spiritual side of Elvis.

But, before we do that- I'd like to welcome George Clooney to my army of anonymous readers! How do I know he's reading my blog? Well, a week or so after I posted the previous chapter about Elvis' fixation on guns and badges, George announces he's producing a cable TV show about an Elvis impersonator cop in Memphis!

Coincidence? Maybe. But, ah- maybe NOT!

So, welcome, George! It's cool if you don't leave a comment or become a "follower". Sure, I've only got 2 followers (and one of them is my wife- and she's probably only doing it to be nice)- but I don't let it bother me. I'm like Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard: "You see, this is my life! It always will be! Nothing else! Just us, the cameras, and those wonderful people out there in the dark!..."

I'm just glad I can help. And please note all similarities to me and Norma Desmond end there. It's not like I've got dead screenwriters floating in my swimming pool.

Let's get back to Elvis.

As many of you already know, Elvis recorded a lot of gospel music. In fact, all 3 of the Grammys he won were for gospel music. But, Elvis' quest for spiritual enlightenment wasn't limited to Christian beliefs. Elvis was "working on the building" of his soul- and using lots of different tools to do it.

("Working On The Building" was also a gospel tune Elvis recorded, by the way- I didn't just pull that out of my butt)

On the Graceland tour, we saw all kinds of stuff Elvis had around the house- including books (please click the pic for a better view)...


As you can see, there's Herman Hesse's Siddhartha and Khalil Gibran's The Prophet, which indicates his reading material extended beyond Captain Marvel Jr comic books- or The Bible, for that matter. But, what really caught my eye was this (click for the full view)...


This is a book called Cheiro's (Book of) World Predictions by, well, a guy named Cheiro (aka William John Warner).

More interesting than the book itself is what Elvis wrote in the margins. I'm not sure what the "7, 8 & 9" means. The "wo-man" & "man" stuff makes sense given the subject matter of the chapter. I can't quite make out what's on the bottom of page 164. He's obviously written "Enlightenment" on the top of the next page. It's also interesting to see what he's underlined as well.

But, what intrigues me the most is the "Karate" he wrote next to "... great changes have already taken place in the mental outlook of humanity at large, and more particularly so in the position of women."

Why karate? I mean, I know Elvis studied karate...

but what does that have to do with the "emancipation of women"? Did Elvis think karate would free women from male oppression? Forget the ERA- just kick & chop your way to equality? I guess we'll never know for sure.

Another bit of Elvis marginalia was on display in the 'Elvis After Dark' museum (click for full view)...


This is Nicholas Roerich's Leaves of Morya's Garden Book Two: Illumination 1925

As you can see- there's a lot going on here. Everything from Bible passages ("lion shall lie down with the lamb") to modern technology ("computers").

Speaking of the 'Elvis After Dark' museum, this quote greets you when you first walk in to that section of the Graceland tour...


If you want to read more about the spiritual side of Elvis, check out this list of books on Amazon that someone put together on the subject.

And that's it for my Guide To Graceland, my friends. Future posts won't be Elvis-centric. But, I'm glad I had a chance to share these photos and my thoughts with you. If you want to see more photos, please check out my flickr page.

I'll never forget my visit to Graceland- just as the whole world will never forget Elvis. He was a true American original. He had charisma and talent to spare. But, he also had his faults. He had a big heart and big appetites. He was only human. But, I think that's what makes him so likable. At least it does for me. Also, he could sing like a motherfucker.

Thanks for reading!

Beej Weir's Guide to Graceland: Chapter 3: Big Boss Man

As always, please click on the thumbnails to see the pics. It adds to the view count on my flickr page and makes me think I'm popular.

Elvis liked guns. A lot.


He didn't seem all that interested in shooting animals, though, which is fine by me. He seemed more interested in shooting TVs. We'll get to that.

Elvis also liked badges...

We'll get back to that, too.

Elvis liked being in charge. Guns and badges are symbols of authority- so it doesn't surprise me he was drawn to them. Of course, when you're a rich, famous rock & roll star- you don't really need a gun or a badge to get people to do what you want. But, Elvis liked them nonetheless.

Let's back up a bit: before we went on our tour of Graceland in January of 2008, Donna was telling me about the time she and her family went there years before...

(as you may recall from Chapter 1- Donna and her family considered Graceland to be the Pier 39 of Memphis, TN. But, that didn't mean they hadn't been there before. Hey, I'll admit I've been to Pier 39. More than once, even. Who doesn't love New England clam chowder in a sourdough bread bowl? Or sun-basking sea lions? And they have a great hat store called Krazy Kaps).

Anyway, the one thing that stood out in Donna's mind about Graceland was the firing range Elvis had set up in his backyard...


The firing range was situated rather close to Lisa Marie's swing set (it's in the building directly behind the swing set)


In fact, Donna remembered seeing what appeared to be a bullet hole in the bottom left corner of the slide.

It would appear she remembered correctly...


My guess is this is what brought an end to the "brief period in the sixties when Elvis and the guys used this room as a firing range". Needless to say, Sam Elliot doesn't bring this up in the audio-guided tour.

As I mentioned earlier, to the best of my knowledge, Elvis wasn't into shooting animals. But, TVs? That was different story. The 'Elvis After Dark Museum' portion of the tour featured one of his victims- a TV he kept in his upstairs bedroom...


But, this wasn't the only TV he shot. Why would Elvis- a guy who LOVED to watch TV- treat them so badly?

(His TV room alone had 3 he'd watch at one time! He even had one in his kitchen, for God's sake)


Donna and I were talking about it. She said she remembered hearing somewhere that Elvis shot a TV because Elliot Gould was on it. "Elliot Gould?" I said, incredulously. "What did he have against Elliot Gould?!"

A little research revealed it wasn't Elliot Gould- but the late Robert Goulet, who incurred the wrath of The King. And if Goulet is to be believed (and really, why would he lie?)- Elvis shot a lot of people on TV. Maybe he shot at Elliot Gould's image, too. We'll never know.

Let's turn our attention now to Elvis' other authoritarian fascination: badges. Elvis collected them from all over. But, perhaps his greatest acquisition was the badge given to him by President Richard Nixon.

Elvis wrote to the president asking to be made an agent of the Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs so he could help keep the young people of America on the straight & narrow vis a vis drugs (I'm not sure if this falls under coincidence or irony) and President Nixon went along with it. You can read all about it and see the famous pics here and here . They made a movie about it- but I've never seen it.

At this historic event, Elvis gave Nixon a vintage Colt .45 which is on display at the Nixon Library & Museum- probably the Pier 39 of Yorba Linda.

Here's the badge. Not a bad photo if I do say so myself...


Elvis did help educate people to the dangers of drug abuse- but he didn't need a badge to do it.

Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion of my Guide to Graceland!

Beej Weir's Guide to Graceland: Chapter 2: Takin' Care of Business (In a Flash)

So, while I was a fan of The King before visiting Graceland- there were a few things I didn't know about him. And one of those things was that he had created his own personal symbol. That would be his TCB lightning bolt.

TCB stands for "Taking Care of Business" (the lightning bolt being the "in a flash" part). Those of you from from the South may already be familiar with that phrase. But, it was new to this Yankee. I first noticed the lightning bolt in his TV room. I was too busy busy taking pictures to listen to Sam Elliot explain what it all meant (also, I was wearing a hat & the earphones for the audio tour didn't fit that well- Donna filled me in). But, it soon became apparent that Elvis' was quite serious about his own personal symbol. He even took it with him to his grave...


The true origin of this symbol will be made clear later in this post. But, before we get to that, we need to talk about Elvis' sense of fashion.

I realize I may be treading on Donna's territory here, but I think it's safe to say Elvis liked clothes. And he had his own sense of style. Graceland is filled with clothes. From his "skinny Elvis" days to his days in the Army (OK, maybe he didn't have much of a choice there), from his wedding to his 1968 comeback TV special & beyond- it was clothes, clothes, clothes...


But, it was his amazing jumpsuits that people most remember...


What made this man of humble origins from Tupelo, Mississippi decide to wear crazy-ass jumpsuits & capes? It's simple, really. Comic books.

Elvis grew up reading the exploits of one Captain Marvel, Jr. And when he got old enough & rich enough- he decided to become his own superhero. Take a look at the lightning bolt on Captain Marvel, Jr's chest and then take another look at Elvis' TCB symbol. It's pretty obvious, isn't it?

I'm certainly not the first guy to notice this. In fact, for a really great dissertation on the whole thing- I suggest you click on over to Robby Reed's Dial B for Blog's series on Elvis to learn more.

Elvis was definitely a man after my own heart...

Stay tuned for more adventures in Graceland!

Beej Weir's Guide To Graceland: Chapter 1- Now and then, there's a fool such as I...

The other day, I was looking at the AOL main page (SHUT UP! And get off my lawn!) & saw a headline paraphrased to the effect: "Graceland is a tourist trap!" (actually, that's pretty much it, word for word).

My first reactions were 1) "Duh" and 2) "SHUT UP! Elvis rules!"

As it turned out, it was some article on their travel page about the top 10 tourist traps still worth visiting. Or whatever. But, yeah- Graceland's a tourist trap and HELL yeah, you should go.

Donna and I went back in January of 2008- about 10 days after his 73rd birthday. If he hadn't died, of course.

We were visiting Donna's parents & they wanted to know what I wanted to do while in Tennessee. I wanted to see Graceland. This is when I learned Graceland is the Pier 39 of Tennessee. (If you don't live in San Francisco- insert your city/state's tourist trap here...)

But, my in-laws are very gracious people. They smiled patiently & sprung for 2 Platinum packages. This meant we got to see everything- the house, the plane- everything. Including the TV he shot up. One of them, at least.

They dropped us off & ran like hell.

It was great. I took 101 pictures. A good number of them in focus, even (you're not allowed to use a flash). I'm currently uploading the creme of the crop. The next few posts will cover some of the more salient observations.

I checked out the website recently and they've made some changes. They've expanded the tours (you can see the stables now!). And apparently, they've replaced Sam Elliot's voice on the audio-thing that talks about what you're looking at with Lisa Marie's voice.

(I think it was Sam Elliot's voice. It sure sounded like him. If memory serves me correctly, Lisa Marie's voice did make an appearance in the Elvis Automobile Museum. But, until I learn otherwise, Sam Elliot was our audio tour guide).

Anyway, the non-VIP Platinum package is still a good deal & shows you everything you need to see. Although, I didn't see the 'Elvis After Dark' exhibit listed on the website. Maybe you won't get to see one of the TVs he shot up after all.

Lucky for you, I've got pictures.

Wow. I can now honestly say I visited Graceland when it was still cool.

Here's but a mere sampling of what's to come! Click on the thumbnails below and you'll be magically transported to my flickr page for a better look...


Stay tuned!

A long time ago, in a suburb about an hour away...

Last night, I was watching The Clone Wars on Cartoon Network. I must say, I rather enjoyed it.

This was a bit surprising to me. I've been unhappy with the whole 'Star Wars' thing since those goddam teddy bears ruined Return of the Jedi.

But, in retrospect, I shouldn't have been so disappointed. 'Star Wars' was in trouble long before that.

(And I don't mean The Empire Strikes Back. That? Was fucking awesome!)

No, I'm talking about The Star Wars Holiday Special.

Perhaps I should back up a bit...

I've had this on the brain ever since my good friend Lance Alameda posted this piece of animation he found on his Facebook page. He had never seen it before. What he didn't know was he had stumbled across the only redeeming thing about The Star Wars Holiday Special.

I saw the The Star Wars Holiday Special when it originally aired. I was 13. Granted, I didn't know much about, well, anything. But, I think on that fateful evening I learned what "selling out" & "bait & switch" meant.

For weeks prior, the animated piece was hyped to the gills as the first appearance of Boba Fett. What they didn't explain was 1) it was going to be a cartoon & 2) not shown until the last 15 mins or so.

The show was bad. And weird. Scenes were done in Wookie-ese without the benefit of subtitles or a human character to react and/or "translate". Granted, it was surreal- but I was 13 and didn't want surreal. I wanted Star Wars.

On the plus side- it had Bea Arthur, Art Carney & Harvey Korman in it. Which would have been great- if it were an episode of The Carol Burnett Show...

But, it wasn't. It was my (then) precious Star Wars. And it was sucking. Hard.

(Coincidentally, Bruce Vilanch was one of the writers of The Star Wars Holiday Special. Not that I have anything against him persae. But, apart from sometimes resembling a Wookie, he had no business being involved).

A few years later- as an older teen, I came across an old issue of Starlog Magazine that was published right around the release of The Star Wars Holiday Special. Here's some scans, courtesy of my photobucket page. Just click on the thumbnails for a better look.


Of course, I'd kill to see this piece of shit again. Happy Life Day, everybody!

Epilogue: The following evening (Nov 18, 1978)- Carrie Fisher hosted Saturday Night Live. It was hilarious. And she wore a bikini in a sketch. Now that's what a 13 year old male Star Wars geek wanted to see!